The Toxic Trap Self-Starters Fall Into — and How to Keep it From Happening to You
I don’t have all the answers. I’ve been managing my time and working smartly, but it’s a work in progress . That’s why I’m so excited to introduce you to Neha O’Rourke, founder of Somewhere in Between. When her advertising career gave her a serious case of burnout, Neha decided to redesign her life around the things she loved — and launched a career coaching company to help others in a similar position.
Below, Neha shares tips for growing your business without falling into that toxic hustle trap.
You Are Worthy
It’s all too easy to associate your self-worth with your productivity, client roster, and income. You’re not alone: Whenever I have a slow week, I get crabby, self-deprecating, and sad. However, it’s important to remember you’re doing great things.
“When we tie our worth to a specific outcome, we are setting ourselves up for failure,” she says. “You could have had the ideal client, the perfect offer, and give them the best deal in the land. But if you caught a client on an ‘off’ day, there goes your sale. The outcome is not about you.”
I know, it’s easy to forget that you’re a total rockstar. To help, find fellow self-starters who can lift you up when you’re down. (That’s a conversation for another newsletter.)
Always Align
Nowadays, we associate hustling with power, productivity, and making things happen. But in reality? The word “hustle” isn’t as glamorous as it seems. “When you look up the definition of ‘hustle,’ you’ll see the word ‘force’ consistently used,” Neha explains. “By hustling, you are forcing things to happen.” Sure, being your own boss comes with a lot of autonomy; however, most things are simply out of your control. Why force it?
That’s why Neha prefers aligning over hustling. Instead of being laser-focused on the end result — and putting everything else on the back burner — aligning allows you to figure out your process based on all aspects of your life. (Not just work — gasp!) To start aligning to your whole identity, Neha recommends asking yourself the following questions:
- Who am I outside of my job?
- What matters to me personally?
- How can I honor those elements of my life/identity?
Once you answer these questions, and allow yourself to align, you can enjoy the whole journey — not just the destination. (Psst…you can read more about aligning your career here.)
Set Boundaries
Repeat after me: I don’t need to work 24/7. It’s a hard pill to swallow, isn’t it? Like you, I love my job and am happy to work all day, every day. (Having a job you love is the best thing about being your own boss.) But studies suggest the longer hours we work, the less productive we are. Neha encourages you to be intentional and prioritize your personal and professional endeavors.
“It’s so imperative that you think about your career success in a sustainable manner,” she says. “This is where one of my favorite concepts, flow over force, comes into play. When we are listening to our energy and making conscious decisions that empower us, that’s when clients and paydays come with more ease.”
Let It Flow
No matter how supportive you are of your fellow self-starters, it’s totally natural to compare your productivity to others. (I mean, how can you not when everyone’s Instagram feed is a highlights reel?) Just remember that it’s not a competition.
“Your version of ‘flow’ and someone else’s version of ‘flow’ will be different,” Neha says. “Rather than comparing your work style to someone else’s, focus on what serves you best. At the end of the day, you are the expert on your life. Look from within and persistently trust yourself.”
A huge thank you to Neha for sharing her wisdom. You can support Neha by following her on Instagram and scheduling a free consultation call.
Hustler of the Week: Lisa Li
What inspired you to become your own boss and launch The Qi?
I was extremely burnt out towards the end of a 10-year career in fashion back in 2016. A trip to Shangri-La with my mom in May 2017 opened my eyes to the Rose Ritual the locals drink as a tea and eat as a delicacy. The childhood memories of spending time with my grandma over a cup of herbal tea inspired me to launch The Qi with our hero Flower Sipping Ritual: The Shangri-La Rose. It took us over two years to source organically-grown, edible flowers. We launched last summer!
What’s the best career lesson you’ve learned since launching The Qi?
To do more things that I find scary. That’s where I needed to grow the most.
This week’s newsletter is all about “hustle culture.” How do you manage your work/life balance? There is so much pressure and stress attacking us from all fronts constantly. It is more necessary than ever that we stop and smell the roses as well as take good care of our minds and bodies. I sleep nine hours a day and sip on The Qi flowers in the evening to unwind. Work-life balance for me means taking breaks, being present, sleeping well, and playing with my dog, Peanut.
Give Lisa some love by following The Qi on Instagram and buying some gorgeous whole healing flowers.
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